Lauren Wille

The two greatest skills in my life derive from the two best games ever invented: Scrabble and Mario Kart (Nintendo 64 version OF COURSE). These two games bring more drama and intensity to my life than any argument or heavy situation. They make me happy when I’m sad, and make me angry when I’m content. They are great ideas when there’s nothing else to do, and you and your friends will be arguing about “who was cheating” or “who really deserved to win” for years on end. 

SCRABBLE: Play this game when you’re bored out of your gourd, or getting a little loose with a few friends.

READ THE RULES. Or at least come up with house rules for that particular game session. I cannot even begin to tell you how many raging fights have erupted from battling ruling opinions. For example. THE BOARD MUST ALWAYS READ THE SAME WAY. If the words on the board are being laid from top to bottom, you can’t form a word from bottom to top. It messes up everything.

Keep close tabs on the “words” your friends are laying out. Beware of words like “brokened” or “groved.” These can often be laid without notice and that jerk ends up winning. “Brokened? That’s a great word, man. Good job.” 

Have everyone keep their own scores individually. You don’t want any sneaky crooks adding in a non-existent triple word score. 

Trust no one. Help no one. This game is fiercely competitive. If you’re not careful hearts could break and friendships could tear. 

Mario Kart: Hands down BEST GAME EVER. It’s great because everyone has their own special character that they race with. They all have great signature “yip-pees” and “yahoos.” This makes for awesome disses on your friends even when you’re not playing. “No wonder you and peach make such a great couple. You’re both (insert insult here).” 

Racing is fun, but battling can be INTENSE.

Don’t tell anyone about your secret moves. I did that once and I am no longer the best.

Bowser’s castle is TRICKY. 

Sometimes you spin out for no reason and you start cussing uncontrollably. Totally normal.